Robertson’s Wager: The Duck Dynasty Quackery of Morals
By Eric Jayne
Phil Robertson, from A&E’s popular Duck Dynasty show has shared his Bible-based philosophy about many things including same-sex relationships and race. Last week he argued for absolute morality as decided by God. To illustrate his position he shared an imaginary scenario.
I’ll make a bet with you. Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot ’em. And they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And they can look at him and say, “Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now is it dude?”
Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, “Wouldn’t it be something if this was something wrong with this? But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We’re sick in the head. Have a nice day.” If it happened to them, they probably would say, “Something about this just ain’t right.”
That’s not only an unconvincing argument but it’s disgusting and weird. It did however inspire me to posit a silly bet of my own:
Two ducks break into a Duck Dynasty fanatic’s home. He has a wife and two little daughters. Two ducks break into his home and waddle around, as ducks do, before escaping out the back door. The ducks’ behavior triggered an interest in his daughters to study zoology. And the daughters continued to read about Darwinian evolution in front of him. And his wife gradually dropped her religious faith after losing her head (figuratively) from re-examining the Bible. And they look at him and say, “Isn’t it great that we don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with sincerely learning how the world really works? There’s no maniacal, omnipotent god assigning right or wrong.”
Then they take a sharp knife and cut into a recently delivered package containing a set of Duck Dynasty DVD’s and say, “Wouldn’t it be something if the television executives at A&E saw something wrong with this? But you and millions more keep watching this show featuring miserable hacks which grants them success and gives them media influence.” If this happened to a Duck Dynasty fanatic they would probably say, “Something about this just ain’t right because the Bible says a moral woman submits to her husband. Now be a good woman and cook me a duck then fetch me the remote.”
People like Robertson may continue to claim moral righteousness but the secular world, guided by humanistic decency, will continue to correct the moral errors found in the Bible — and the nones will continue to increase.